I drove all the way to Mesa BY MYSELF last week.  My first solo road trip in years.  I had six boxes of books that I was ready to divest myself of. I took a few to our local used bookstore for store credit but still had more than one hundred books that I needed to find a home for.

After much debate with myself over the merits and work of trying to sell on ebay or craigslist and exploring selling to Powell’s on-line I stopped and had a think.  The goal was to clear out the house a bit, not make money.  Of course a little extra cash right before Christmas is always nice too.  But I really didn’t want to spend the next six weeks trying to sell books.

In the end I decided to take my books to Half Price Books in Mesa.  I knew they would take everything and I probably wouldn’t make much money but the books would be gone and I would get a little cash.  My hope was to get between $100 and $150 dollars.  Plus I would have the added bonus of a little me time in the car.

Mesa is about a 2 hour drive.  I figured I would leave about 9:00a, about an hour to sell the books, have lunch somewhere and maybe stop at the new outlet mall on the way home.  Everything pretty much went according to plan.

I found the store with only one u-turn.  (In my world road trips always include at least one u-turn.)  Half Price Books bought almost every book with just a few slated for the recycle pile.  I was very excited to see that and was starting to think more money.  Especially when the woman apologized for it taking so long because I had so many good books.  But alas the total was only $90.  I felt a bit disappointed but reminded myself of my goals and hoped others would find pleasure in reading these books I was no longer interested in.

Starting the drive home I felt sort of hollow inside.  Had I just made a huge mistake?  I had expected to feel exuberant, thrilled with my “konmari”  progress, happy for some “found” money.  I left the radio off for awhile and puzzled over my feelings.  Maybe I was just sad to be letting go of some of my past?  Irritated at the thought that I would never have gotten rid of any books if I  still lived in Montana in a house with several  huge built-in floor to ceiling bookshelves?  Anxious about the step I had just taken toward my future small dream home?

I never had an aha that’s the answer moment.  Most likely my feelings are some combination of all of the above.  I decided to stop at Cracker Barrel for a late lunch.  I love browsing the store and thought it would cheer me up.  I had the fish special and afterwards took my time looking at everything in the store but I wasn’t tempted to buy anything.  I skipped the outlet mall too.  I am not really much of a shopper anyway and I felt exhausted.  I went to bed early still puzzled by my post book selling reaction.

I feel better today but  disappointed that I didn’t have a more euphoric experience.  My reaction to life is so strange sometimes.