Honestly I am not sure where to start. At the end of January things were not going well, and not for lack of effort. I had to go to the doctor anyway (to renew my thyroid medication) so I talked about all my peri-menopausal symptoms and said (out loud) “I am ready for some drugs”. I was thinking hormone therapy, progesterone specifically, but my primary care doctor is against it. She recommended a mild-antidepressant shown to work on hot flashes and mood swings.

The idea of an anti-depressant left me, well, depressed. I have been thinking I just needed something to help until I get into full blown menopause. I know anti-depressants have been used in my circumstances but I was feeling pretty uneasy about this. And since I was overdue for my pap smear anyway I got a current referral for the GYN I used for my IUD and made an appointment. (For any male readers I know you have no idea what I just said, that is okay, just keep reading.) I was curious to see what she had to say because frankly she seems to have a completely different take on menopause than my primary care doc.

Unfortunately I couldn’t get a GYN appointment before the first week of March. In the meantime the antidepressants arrived in the mail and after doing a bit more research I decided to start taking them. The plan was to see how they made me feel and still get a second opinion from the GYN.

I took the pills for four days and thought I caught a stomach bug. I was nauseous and exhausted. I slept two hours Friday afternoon, eleven hours Friday night, another two hours Saturday afternoon. I wasn’t eating much, mostly crackers and ginger ale and when I did eat a scrambled egg and a piece of toast I felt sick again. I checked the side effects on the pills and stopped taking them.

Three days later I felt better physically but was still feeling quite unmotivated concerning life in general. Mid-February I got my period, another bad one. Crampy and heavy and not helpful in getting anything done. But it only lasted seven days which was nice for a change.

And then I had a good week where at least I was sleeping well and getting something of one sort or another done everyday. I loved the snow and was happy to get out in it. Focus was still a problem though.

And here it is the end of February and I feel like a yo-yo. The last few nights have been broken sleep but yesterday I got a nice amount of pesky tasks done and that made me feel good. And today I feel….okay? But sort of ready for a nap. And my breasts hurt.

One more week until my doctor’s appointment. Every few days I find myself googling “what symptoms progesterone relieves” and every time I find myself nodding my head and reminding myself to ask for the bio-identicals. My thought is if it is something my body used to produce then there shouldn’t be any yucky side effects. And I don’t care if that thinking is wrong, I am going with it. Do not even think about trying to set me straight!

So now you get to wait along with me to see what happens next in the journey to menopause saga. I am pretty sure we are due for a happy upturn in the plot. Stay tuned.