April 7, 2020
This week has sucked. Not because of COVID-19 but because of the full moon. My hot flashes have been ferocious and the insomnia insane. As usual my first thought is that this will be the last month of suffering. The hot flashes are doing one last push and then my body will succumb gracefully into aging. This is an insane thought and at 1:00a I am googling away re-learning that it is highly likely that I will have to deal with hot flashes for nine to ten years total which means perhaps six more years. I can’t bear the thought.
I find myself wondering why my hot flashes seem worse right now. The weather hasn’t turned abysmally hot yet. And then it hits me, stress. While on the surface I don’t think I am freaking out over our current pandemic there are thready undercurrents flowing beneath.
Mostly I am unhappy because so much is unknown. I can’t visualize the future. The lack of control has me stressed. Problem identified. Now what to do about it?
I come up with two plans. I still have almost 90 days worth of a low-dose anti-depressant shown to help some women with hot flashes. I only took it a few days because it made me very nauseous. I decide to try again, this time eating a few crackers when I take it and going a whole week (at least) to see if my body adapts.
And the second plan? Our stores are pretty well stocked. I have enough allergy meds and such that I am not worried about running out. The only item I am worried about is toilet paper. Back in mid-March I bought our usual 12 pack right before the insanity started. Before I knew anything was really going on, just my normal purchase. And when the toilet paper disappeared from shelves I wasn’t worried. I thought that by the time I needed to buy more the world would be back to normal.
But it is almost a month later and I haven’t seen a roll of toilet paper on the shelves in the last three weeks. Now, I am not the type of person who wants to start going from store to store on a tp hunt. My observation is if you find toilet paper (or paper towels etc) it is pure luck. You just happen to be in the store when they bring out a batch. I find myself wondering if I am willing to chance it and simply wait and hope the stores are re-supplied by the time we are down to our last roll or two.
It seems risky. I mean the shelves are empty all across the country. We have no idea if or when a total lockdown may start. What if my spouse brings the virus home from work and we have to self-quarantine for two weeks? I can picture life without toilet paper and it isn’t pretty. Is there anything I can do about this? Maybe.
I read an article on-line about the toilet paper shortage and they recommend checking restaurant supply stores. Hmmm. Makes sense. Restaurants are probably buying less toilet paper with no inside dining. So I go on-line to a place in Tennessee. It says toilet paper is in-stock. I can buy a case of 96 rolls. I try and visualize 96 rolls of toilet paper and my imagination fails me. Where would we store it all?
Most of me says just buy it before it disappears but a small section of my mind says let’s just think about this for a minute. And I do. And 96 rolls wins out over zero rolls easily. I can share, I can donate, I can store it in the empty suitcases in the garage. (It’s not like we are going anywhere this summer!) I place the order, and then I wait.
I get the confirmation e-mail but 24 hours later I still don’t have a processing or shipping e-mail. Uh-oh. I check the website, standard toilet paper is no longer in-stock. Was I too late?
I tell myself to be patient and give it a few days, they were probably inundated with orders. And so I wait.
April 13, 2020
First the good news. I am able to take the anti-depressant with a few crackers and it seems to be working. My hot flashes are fewer and much, much less intense. But this being the post full moon period of the month the hot flashes are usually on the wane anyway. The real test will be the first week of May right before the full moon. But at least I have hope.
As for the toilet paper? I never did receive another e-mail as to status but I did figure out how to check the order status on-line through their website. The first time I checked it said it was on back order until 5/31. I decide I can live with this. I really want a stash for later in the year when/if a second wave hits. At the end of the week I check the status again and now it says nothing. I contact the company to make sure they didn’t cancel the order. They haven’t but now they are thinking 8 to 10 weeks before they get re-supplied. I am going to remain optimistic on the toilet paper front. What else can I do?
For now I am sticking to my normal routine as much as possible. I do my yoga, shower, meditate. I fast between 4:00p and 10:00a most days, or at least close to that window. I try and keep busy but I also try and cut myself some slack. I have promised myself that if I get to a point where I really don’t want to do anything I can have 24 hours off. The most important thing for me to remember is to just take things one day at a time.