“With patience comes choice and with choice comes power.”
Another quote from Louise Penny”s “All the Devils are Here”
And the patience and perseverance have paid off. I have picked up the pieces of my life again.
Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend and then to Trader Joe’s. We all know I love me some Trader Joe’s. I bought a few snacks for football this weekend, stocked the freezer with a few ‘I don’t feel like cooking meals’ and the milk that was my justification for stopping there in the first place.
And on the drive home I cranked up the radio and found myself smiling for no real reason at all.
Yes the yoga and meditation and walking have helped. And my word for the year “Embrace Today”. Funny how you pick a word (or two) at the beginning of the year and it really resonates at some point. I was finally able to shut up the voice in my head that kept imagining what I would say to M* if he ever tried to contact me:
There was the icy stare or cold silence option.
The puzzled “who is this” question?
The breezy “hey (cause you never meant anything to me at all) how’s it going” in a cheery voice.
The neutrally voiced “why are you talking to me, we are not friends,” statement of fact.
Once I started focusing on just today the voices in my head retreated. I wake up and think about what do I want to do TODAY? I typically pick one household type chore and then see what else appeals to me. And I do it.
It is a relief to climb into bed at night and feel good about the day and not dread tomorrow. It is good to stop the endless loop of the past and rumination on the future. To be back in the present moment. To sleep through the night again.
My gut is telling me this is a time for waiting. Change is coming but I need to be patient. Not one of my strong suits but the need to pause and be still is very strong at the moment. I need to heed it while at the same time living my life as it is right now. I can do this!