2018 Aspirations: August

Be Healthier

  1. I went low carb and lost five pounds the first week.  This is an eating habit I believe I can do long term.  I am going with 30g of net carbs while still trying to lose a few more pounds but after that I am thinking 50g net carb with the occasional meal off. Oddly enough the thing I miss most is fruit but I am not missing all the junk food.  For me I think I need to avoid carbs in general and not just sugar to beat the cravings.
  2. I am doing a great job of trying to meditate everyday, even if just for 10 minutes.  As for actually meditating successfully….hopefully in time.  I have been exploring Insight Timer and find it helps.  I have one timer set up that I do in the afternoons and have been trying different guided meditations in the morning or at bedtime.
  3. Feet to the fire.  Weight 141.8 lbs.  I swam 23 days in August and did yoga 23 days.  Not bad.
  4. On the menopausal front another crazy month.  No period but ferocious hot flashes continued the first half of the month before tapering in both intensity and frequency.  Then I started sleeping through the night and actually felt pretty good the rest of the month.  I certainly  had more energy and felt way less foggy.  Gives me hope for the future.
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Interesting clouds.

Be Happier

  1. I am so glad I signed up for an on-line writing class.  I am thrilled to be learning again!
  2. I changed from bowling Thursday nights to Tuesday mornings.  I think this schedule will suit me much better.
  3. I have finally found the rhythm to my days I have been searching for.  I no longer feel compelled to stick to a strict routine but plan one day at a time.  I am finding everything still gets done and many chores seem easier.  I am listening to my physical and mental needs and life is good.
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Autumn is nearing, I can feel it!

2018 Aspirations: July

I didn’t do an update post for June, nothing much happened that month.  We were on vacation the first 10 days and then there was the adjustment to school being out.  I did read “10% Happier” by Dan Harris and began to think about how I could use meditation to battle my sugar craving hormones.  July has been more productive.

Be Healthier

  1. I did a 10 day sugar detox which has helped me stop snacking.
  2. I am getting much better about eating all my CSA vegetables.  Chocolate beet cake counts, right? (Of course it was before the sugar detox!)
  3. I survived a 19 day period and a lot of hot flashes.  Combined with triple digit heat and humidity and insane hormonal swings (I cry at everything: The Cubs hit into a double play, tears.  Someone bakes a beautiful cake on the Great British Baking show, tears. It is nuts!) survival was something of a miracle.
  4. I am doing a good job of meditating and deep breathing every day.
  5. My frozen shoulder is being difficult.  I am still doing my PT almost everyday but I can tell when the hormones are surging because my range of motion decreases and I have more pain.

Be Happier

  1. We went camping for a week in the rainy mountains and I loved the cooler air.
  2. I deactivated my Facebook account.  It was a real time suck and didn’t make me feel particularly happy.
  3. I realized I want to spend less time on the computer, took a blogging break and decided to revamp my blog. (Still a work in progress)
  4. Signed up for an 8 week on-line writing course that starts fortuitously the day after school resumes for my son. I hope this makes me happier, right now the thought of it is making me anxious.  What if I fail?
  5. Embraced the fact that I like listening to the Cubs on the radio more than watching them on tv.  I do coloring and needlepoint or fix dinner while listening to the games on-line.
  6. I bought a new car but kept my beloved Saab.  We stumbled on a 2017 Subaru Crosstrek Limited with only 6k miles.  Buying it was kind of a no brainer. Icy Metallic Silver is the color, a perfect name in the desert heat.
  7. A bouquet of zinnia’s from the farmer’s market.  Such a wonderful variety of colors!  Sorry I didn’t take a picture.

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I haven’t taken many pictures of her yet, it has been way too hot!  Here she is on her first road trip to Willcox.

There you have it, July in a nutshell. I like to think I am a little healthier and a little happier.  Yeah me!

2018 Aspirations: May

I know this post is a bit late due to being on vacation the beginning of June. And now I can’t even remember the month of May which maybe isn’t such a bad thing!  I really want to keep looking forward these days.

Be Healthier

This is not really going so great.  Actually it is just not going as I thought but that is to be expected. I am shopping more at the farmer’s market and doing a decent job of only eating when hungry.  This is harder with school being out but I think I can adjust.  At least I am not gaining any weight.  At this point in time I will simply soldier on through the summer and see what happens.  Frankly I am tired of thinking about food all the time.  I have scaled back on my cooking which has had the effect of me eating less.  Go figure.  With the heat I am looking at more salads and fruit. If I didn’t I have to cook for the family life would be a lot easier and healthier.

I have found a balance with walking on the treadmill enough, but not so much that I dread it.  I have not been swimming as much as I would like because of my allergies.  I do not know if the pollen is worse this year or if I am getting more sensitive but my sinuses are making me quite miserable.  It seems to be more windy than usual this time of year and I wonder if that is a factor?

On the hormonal front the rollercoaster seems to have flattened out a bit.  No period at all this month, whew!  But I have had a few weepy days.  One day I started crying out of the blue, no idea what triggered it.  Luckily I was home alone.

Feet to the fire: Weight on 1 June 144.6 lbs.  I did yoga 21 days and only missed doing PT for my shoulder 3 days.  I can live with these numbers.

Random photo from Ripley’s Aquarium in Toronto.

Be Happier

At the start of the month I gave my office a good clearing out.  It began with a plan to do a few shelves and then it spread to a few more spaces and finished off with doing the two bottom drawers of the file cabinet. It was an oddly satisfying way to spend a Sunday afternoon and I am loving my time in my office.

So far the “Summer Plan” is working out quite well.  It does take a lot of energy and patience in the morning but in the afternoon we each get a bit of time to ourselves so I can get some work done (take a nap) as needed.  I am happy I started right from day one of summer break so there were no bad habits to unlearn for either of us.

I went back to using a habit tracker for May.  I really do find it helps me get things done. My favorite thing to do right now is my coloring meditation. I am finding it very soothing these days. And I am thrilled with the progress I am making organizing my digital photos. I am done the first run through of making albums by date and event and now I am going to go back and make  some albums of different groupings. I was surprised to find I am really enjoying this task.

Pretty, flowers always make me feel happier.

 

See you next month.  Geez I hope I have nothing but positive results to report!

 

 

2018 Aspirations Summary: April

April was rather crazy.  I felt like I was failing at everything and then I realized what I am actually doing is learning. Finding out what doesn’t work for my eating habits can be just as helpful and valuable as finding out what does work.

Be Healthier

This month I am going to focus on what I am doing well at or at least better. I started visiting the farmer’s market on Sunday mornings and buying lovely fruits and vegetables. And eating them! They also have wild caught fish from Alaska that is hand processed, frozen and sent down to Tucson, very yummy.  Excited about my CSA starting in May.  We still get our Butcher Box every other month and that helps cut down on trips to the grocery store too. And I did really well with eating at local restaurants.

Focused eating is something I think is very important and that I am still struggling with.  I can’t seem to break the reading while eating habit.  I am trying to start with small changes and work my way up.  Focusing on at least a few bites and periodically tuning in through out the meal.   Hopefully in time I will reach my goal of eating with total attention.  I truly believe how I eat will make a big difference in what I eat.  I did finish reading “Food Rules” and am still flipping through it a few times a week mulling over all the advice.

I have been doing a great job of eating only when I am hungry. I feel best when I eat a hearty breakfast mid to late morning and then a late lunch and no dinner.  I sleep better and feel better in general.  It can be a tough schedule though with the family but I am finding ways to make it work.

Feet to the fire:  Weight on April 2 – 144lbs.  Weight on May 2 – 145.4.  I am not stressing because I can feel the water weight bloating thing going on. I figure if I can keep close to 145 then once I am done with the MHC phase of life I will only have to lose five pounds to be comfortable with my weight. I did yoga 17 days which I am happy with since I went on two trips this month. I am also doing PT for my shoulder at home once a day.  Still keeping up with the food log.  Still eating too many sweets. Sigh.

Random photo from my trip to Mt. Lemmon during the teacher walkout.  More dry than wet stream, sad.

Be Happier

It was a bad month for MHC (Menopausal Hormonal Craziness).  I had three periods during the month.  Yes, three. separate. periods. It was ugly.  Emotionally I was a wreck. I kept telling myself this must mean the start of full blown menopause is near and then I would laugh/cry and remember thinking that same thing this time last year.  So now I warily wait to see what happens next with my body.

On the positive side I did get away for a weekend.  I went by myself to Laughlin, NV for a bowling tournament and rather enjoyed myself.  It was a nice change of pace and scenery.

On the nagging task front I have started a new 10 minutes a day project: organizing my digital photos.  I was inspired by this post and then I watched a few youtube videos for more tips.  It is actually easier and going quicker than I thought.

 

Food Rules #83  Break the rules once in awhile.  “Obsessing over food rules is bad for your happiness and probably for your health too.  Our experience over the past few decades suggests that dieting and and worrying about nutrition have made us no healthier or slimmer; cultivating a relaxed attitude toward food is important.”   -Michael Pollan

I feel like I know what I need to do to be healthy and I just need to act on it, at least as much as the MHC allows.  I know I can do it because there are days when I am in complete control and have no desire for junk food or feel the need to eat when I am not hungry.  When the hormones take over all I can do is minimize the damage and move on.  This phase of life will not last forever. Right?  Right? Please someone tell me I am right!  🙂

 

2018 Aspirations Summary: March

This was a good month as far as learning about my eating habits.  I am feeling a tiny bit hopeful that I am going to be able to make the forever changes that I need to be healthy. But I have to admit to an epic fail for going 30 days without added sugar.  I made it two weeks and then the raging hormones kicked in.  Damn I wish menopause would just come on already!  On to some specifics.

Be Healthier

I have been wrestling with myself about how healthy is healthy enough.  I am trying to ditch the all or nothing mentality I seem to have about everything in life.  The reality is there are going to be days or situations that will make sticking to a plan impossible.  The trick is not to let one bad meal ruin a day or one bad day ruin a whole week.  And I can control just how “bad” a meal is to some degree.

The first half of the month I tracked when I ate and how I felt before and after as far as hunger went.  The second half of the month I tracked how much I enjoyed what I ate.  I learned meals aren’t my problem.  I seldom overeat and for the most part enjoy what I make at home.  When I did mindlessly snack I really didn’t enjoy it.  The problem is eating when I am not really hungry.  This happens on weekends when we are doing family things and stop to eat because everyone else is hungry.  Dinner time can also be difficult, I cooked it, everyone else is eating so it feels weird to skip dinner with the family (though I do eat smaller portions).  Listening to my own needs will continue to be a work in progress.

I used a number for how hungry/full I felt and a letter for why I ate for the first half of the month. The second half I used a 1-5 scale as to how much I enjoyed what I ate.

This month I did a much better job eating at local restaurants when we ate out.  It was easier to make healthier choices and I enjoyed the food more.  I have noticed that fast food and most junk food doesn’t have the same appeal as I eat better tasting, healthier food more often.

For April I am going to concentrate on really focusing on my food when I eat. This is a huge change that I am having difficulty with but I am going to persevere.  In my re-reading of “Food Rules an Eater’s Manual”  by Michael Pollan I am into the section about how to eat.  Perfect timing to reinforce all those things I know I should be doing.

Feet to the fire:  Weight on 1 March – 147.8.  Weight on 2 April – 144.0! I did yoga 19 times which with my shoulder I thought was pretty good.  Still doing an excellent job keeping my food log, really unhappy about all the red circles (candy or sweets) though. Can’t seem to win against the hormones.

Be Happier

I decided it was time to do a family activity that I got to choose  so we went to a photo exhibition down at the U of A Center for Creative Photography.  They have the archives for Ansel Adams and display a selection of photos.  It is a small gallery with no admittance fee so after lunch (and after my son’s bowling league on Saturday morning) we went to check it out.  I enjoyed it and my son tolerated it.  Since it was a small display we were there less than an hour and afterwards we took advantage of a cool cloudy day to walk around the campus and explore a bit.  My only regret is I didn’t take my camera, there were some lovely sights on the campus.  Next time.

I have been feeling a little guilty about the time I “waste” coloring.  The above picture of buttons is one I have been working on quite awhile interspersed with coloring pictures for Easter and Spring.  I have found when I don’t take those moments to sit and color I really miss it.  It is my form of meditation and I find the day goes much smoother when I take the time in the morning to sit quietly for a few minutes and empty my mind.  I had to remind myself it is not a “waste” of time but a good way to start and end the day.

Still fighting the hormones and depression.  Nothing seems to work these days so I keep slogging away reminding myself that it will get better, to be patient and take it one day, one hour at a time. And that it is perfectly okay to take a nap in the afternoon, no prescription needed!  Much better than eating a bunch of junk food that I don’t really want. Of course I was able to find a loophole, ha ha!

Food Rule #45  “Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself.”    – Michael Pollan

Hello turtle brownies stashed in the freezer 🙂

The Week in Review 3/21/18

Spring Weather: I often complain about the lack of weather and seasons here in the desert southwest but this year I realized we sort of are having a Spring. Our temperatures are fluctuating between 60’s and 80’s and we have had clouds and even a little rain. Rain is a big deal here and any amount is welcome. (Well, unless we get bad flash flooding monsoon rains.)  Gentle spring showers are thrilling.

First rose bud of the season!

Spring training:  Every year we go to a game up in Phoenix.  This year we saw the Cubs play the Royals (the Royals won 11-9).  It was a lovely afternoon in the 60’s, Canadiens in front of us reveling in the “warm” weather while I was glad for my warm sweater once the shade creeped over us.

The cold shoulder:  Actually I have a “frozen shoulder”, ironic here in the desert.  Not uncommon for people “of a certain age” with hypothyroidism/diabetes.  The doctor gave me a cortisone shot and I start PT next week after the inflammation goes down.  Pain relief should happen in 2 to 3 days.  I am glad it wasn’t anything more serious.

Why is it:   Why does Netflix says “oops there was a problem”  75% of the first time I go to watch something from my list?  After a few reloads I can usually get to my show but there is never a problem with the previews running.  Strange. And annoying.

New word I learned:  “Chiaroscuro” – the contrast between light and dark, their juxtaposition.  I found the word in “A Trick of the Light”, an Inspector Gamache novel by Louise Penny.  Man I love these books.  I will be very sad when I get caught up in the series.

 

My interpretation of “chiaroscuro”. 

And how was your week?

The Week in Review 3/7/18

Weather:  March came in like a lamb, all warm and sunny.  But February ended with a vengeance. We woke to a cold rain that briefly switched to hail.  Luckily the hail was small but it will take some time to see how my lemon tree blossoms survived. (Those are not decorative white rocks in the plant above but hail.)

The wind blew the canopy off my swing (again).

Something that makes me happy:  All my medical information is available on-line to me which I love.  I like being able to see the actual test result numbers and not just get a “everything is normal” from my doctor.  This week I learned they had upgraded the website and now I can make appointments on-line!  So much easier and quicker than calling.

Something I am learning:  My son is having a terrible time in math these days so I am spending my afternoons learning how to add, subtract and multiple fractions.  I suppose I am actually re-learning  because at some point in my young life I must of had to pass a few tests on this stuff.  I know I deal with fractions when I am baking but obviously not enough for fourth grade math!

Something I watched:  “Before Sunrise”, the first in a series of three movies.  I loved it! I found out about this trilogy from wanderlustywriter.  As luck would have it my library had the first two movies in a set (“Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset”) and the third, “Before Midnight” is on Netflix. I plan on watching the second movie this weekend.  I love having something to look forward to.

From the movie “Before Sunrise”.

The Irony of Bowling:  I bowl in two leagues, a regular “normal “one on Thursday nights and the other is a once a month league with the Tucson 500 club. We bowl on the first Saturday of the month and it is a 9 pin “no-tap” league.  (That means if you get 9 pins on your first ball it gets scored as a strike.)  So much fun, all women and I like that we raise money for Special Olympics and Breast Cancer research. On Thursday nights I frequently get a fair number of 9’s on my first ball but last Thursday I actually got some strikes and bowled a 225! (My average is around 150.) And on Saturday, my no-tap league?  My high game was a 192 for the day.  It’s a good thing I have a sense of humor.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

How was your week?

2018 Aspirations Summary: February

This was a month of success, frustration and continuing education.  The typical mixed bag of life.

Be Healthier

By the middle of the month I was seriously questioning the validity of my goal.  I was not doing a good job avoiding foods with unknown ingredients or sticking to my ‘make it myself’ rule. I thought about specific problems I was encountering and what I could do to overcome them.  If I want to succeed I need to find a way to make my goals realistic.  While I am figuring all this out I have decided to eat no added sugar for 30 days (fruit is okay).  This should also help put a lid on mindless snacking and help me lose a few pounds.  I am also making an effort to eat more vegetables.

In addition to thinking about what I eat I am now thinking about how I eat.  I read this book called “Beyond Chocolate” and I am implementing some of the ideas I found there.  After my no sugar 30 days I love the idea that nothing is off limits because once you make a food a no-no that is all you want.  And eventually you will cave, big time. The catch is you can only eat when you are truly hungry and you have to make a plate and sit at the table and focus on your eating.  No tv or reading.  You very mindfully enjoy satisfying your hunger with a food you truly want.  I love this idea. I hadn’t realized how often I didn’t pay attention to my eating.  I pretty much always read at breakfast and at lunch I either read or watch tv. Seldom do I pay attention to what I am eating much less really enjoy it.  I rather feel like I have had a mini break through here.  I need to focus on eating habits as much as the food itself.  Ah!

Now for the boring maintenance stuff.  I need to put this down to keep myself honest and no I am not that happy about putting my weight out there for the whole world to roll their eyes at, but I am doing it anyway.  Weight on 1 Feb: 148lbs.  I did yoga 18 times and I am back on track  getting in my 10k steps six days a week. (I was a bit of a slacker in January.) I am still doing an excellent job logging my foods and this month I circled everything in red that I considered a junk food snack.

Blue square was when we ate out. And yes, sigh, I eat a lot of junk food.  But not for the next 30 days!

 

Be Happier

I totally embraced my word for the year this month.  “Unhurried” is how I lived pretty much everyday.  And I loved it.  I made a plan every morning and thought about what I wanted to do as much as what I needed to do.  And surprise surprise, even when I took care of myself first all the have-tos got done as well.  Yeah me! I also finished my nagging task of knocking off a tote full of papers to be shredded.

Now I am marching into March with some new goals, a positive attitude about eating healthier for 30 days (even if it kills me!) and some new habits to give a try.  Pray for me.

“I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.”   – Franklin D. Roosevelt

This quote cracks me up and makes me think.  I do wonder what the context was when he said this.

2018 Aspirations Summary: January

I knew January was going to be a transition month. I wasn’t expecting to start out perfect and just continue on. Actually I wanted to start out slow and make gradual but permanent changes. Well, it certainly has started out slow.  The first week we were still celebrating the holidays and the second week we were adjusting back to the day to day schedule and there was a lot of holiday food still around.  It took me until the end of the month to start to wrap my head around what I needed to do to meet my goals.

Be Healthier

Surprisingly I did a really good job with my food tracking.  The pages I selected to use in a Bullet Journal work perfectly.  The good news is towards the end of the month I started to do a decent job with not snacking. The bad news is I ate 25 cookies over the course of the month. All but five were homemade,  but still.  And eight chocolate covered pretzels from Trader Joe’s (full size, not minis). And there were a few mentions of chocolates and ice cream.  Yikes!  Moving on…

I am very pleased with how much yoga I did.  It helps that it felt really good.  I did yoga 14 days and one day of Qigong.

Eating out at only local restaurants was an epic fail.  Will have to try harder and plan better in February.

Be Happier

I am not going to lie, this was a tough month.  Exhaustion and moodiness seemed to dominate. I am hoping it is just the peri-menopause spiral.  At fifty-one I have to be getting close to full on menopause even though I haven’t even started the twelve month count down yet.   I can imagine my body trying to crank out hormones and flooding my system with who knows what and making me feel like shit. Hoping it is not my thyroid though I do wonder how one affects the other. Bottom line, not very happy this month.

But I did do a lot of thinking about what I can change, what I can let go of and what I can add to help myself through this period.  I went to bed earlier,  napped once in awhile and holed up in my office or bedroom when I needed my space. I decided to simplify dinners, get more help around the house and accept that somedays it is best just to say f*%$ it and retreat to bed with a book and a mug of tea and let everyone else fend for themselves.  Yes, I actually did that one Sunday.

I am re-reading Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project” one month at a time.  I don’t want to do it all but be selective as to what fits with my goals. (Look at me being smartly flexible!) For January’s theme of “Boost Energy”  I opted to tackle just one goal  and address “a nagging task”.  I have been doing ten minutes of shred, six days a week.  I do feel a sense of relief at making progress on this long overdue project and that does make me feel happier.

I don’t know if this falls under Healthier or Happier (maybe both?) but just out of curiosity I decided to track my television viewing habits.  I don’t feel like I watch too much tv but then I grew up in the 70’s when watching tv was what everybody did, at least at night during the winter.  Over the course of the month I watched ten movies, six football games, eight basketball games and six shows (multiple episodes of “This is Us” and “The Kid’s Baking Championship).  Two days I didn’t watch anything at all.  What does this tell me?  I have no idea.  Any thoughts?

Over and over again I remind myself that this phase of life doesn’t last forever.  Everything I have read says most women feel a lot better once in menopause.  Energy returns, brain fog lifts, emotions settle and I am hoping for less joint pain.  Fingers crossed.

And this concludes the January once in a blue moon month in review.

2018 Aspirations – Part 2 – Be Happier

I only have 2 goals this year, be healthier and be happier.  I talked about the health side here.  Today is all about being happier.  This goal has been much harder to define, much harder to come up with a list of concrete steps.

It is not like I have been completely miserable lately.  I think much of my restlessness and discontent  is “the change”.  Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if all my feelings and physical woes are being driven by peri-menopause.  Hormones going haywire, living in such a hot climate (which is not my first choice) and  still figuring out how to be a stay at home mom now that my child is in school all day.  Full blown menopause can’t come soon enough, but even though I am 51 I am not even in the twelve month count down yet. I tell myself to be patient but I am so ready for the hormones to settle, the weight gain to abate, to move into the next phase of my life with renewed energy and focus.

For two weeks I tried to come up with a word that would summarize my goals for this year to no avail. And then last week (in the shower) it hit me:  “UNHURRIED”.  I am happiest when I can ignore the clock, when I am not rushing to get things done or be somewhere.  I like being able to focus on a task, any task and not have to worry about time.  This insight has been huge and I suspect will be very helpful in my quest to be happier. And maybe it will help with being patient for menopause.

“Unhurried” applies to both my goals.  I am not looking for quick fixes but permanent changes that I expect to take some time, maybe even the whole year.

Here are some other ideas that I am hoping will be helpful.  As the year goes along I am sure I will learn new things about myself and tweak as necessary.

  • I need to listen to myself more. Pay attention to my needs. Acknowledge them even if I can’t do anything about them right away. I need to spend more time doing what I want to do, whatever that may be.  Taking photos, coloring, taking a nap, skipping the laundry and going for a hike. Not always doing what is easiest but doing something that fills a need.

 

  • Embrace my introvertedness.  Or at least accepting it without guilt.  It feels odd to admit my favorite days are when I am home alone and have a balance of housework and time for myself. I like my solitude.  I like my free time. I like being ‘unhurried’!

 

  • Of course I will keep the house clean and do laundry and cook dinner but I won’t sweat it if something doesn’t get done right away or if I decide to do yoga before dinner prep. I am going to be more flexible in my routine. Try and let go of that “all the work needs to be done before play” mentality because, let’s face it, the work is never all done.

 

  • Get outside more.  I love taking walks and hikes and being out in nature.  I love bodies of water, the sound of a rapidly moving stream, the sun glinting off a lake.  Trees. I will forever be baffled about why people think the desert southwest is a great place to get outdoors.  Stickery bushes, blazing sun, rattlesnakes.  I’ll take a slow walk around the neighborhood in gently falling snow any day.   But I have made choices and I need to find the best way to live with them.  It is time to begin exploring the area more fully. I am sure I will be able to find hidden pockets of wonderful nature.

 

  • Less time on the computer.  Last fall I took a break from blogging and I was happier. So I really had to think about doing the blog at all.  Right now the plan is two posts a week  (The week in review and Photo Friday) and a monthly summary post for my be healthier goal. And if that is too much I can always go to one post a week alternating between Photo Friday and The Week in Review.  We’ll see.

I am not sure how well I explained my be happier aspiration.  The bottom line? I believe listening to my own needs and acting on them is going to wrought the changes I need.  Oh yeah, and reaching full blown menopause. Time will tell.

“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.”

– Robert Louis Stevenson